Holding on to hope — Clarissa and Julian Rios are seen shortly after Clarissa was released from the hospital to undergo hospice care. (Courtesy photo/Julian Rios)
By ALBERT VILLEGAS
Special to the NEWS
The holidays, among other things, are a time to reflect on what one is thankful for, and for one San Benito family, it’s also the little things with loved ones that are now so grand in scale because of a disease that has impacted all too many.
This is the scenario that has played out in the Rios household for more than a year, and now the family finds that weeks and days are more valuable than ever.
This is Clarissa Ortiz Rios’ life, and giving thanks in one form or another occurs every day in her household.
Her husband, Julian Rios, has been by her side, and through him, the family has bravely shared what cancer has done to his wife.
Julian and Clarissa have been married since July 2016, and share three children who are of high school (Sophia) and middle school (Aiden and Hailey) ages.
Last year, “Clari” as Julian calls her, was diagnosed with recurring squamous cell carcinoma at the base of her tongue following a previous battle with melanoma and non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.
Clari was originally diagnosed with skin cancer less than three years after marriage, which later spread to her lymph nodes.
She had been on her way to remission following chemo and radiation treatment, only for the cancer to return.
Trips from their home in San Benito to MD Anderson in Houston, where Clari was treated, were commonplace, and costly.
Then, earlier this month, doctors shared that her cancer had spread to the spinal fluid and nervous system.
There were no more treatment options that could alter or reverse the disease, and worse of all, any chemotherapy, or other aggressive treatment, would only cause more harm than good.
Clari has been in hospice care since the second week of November.
“I’ve learned that my family is stronger, more united, and more resilient than I ever imagined. When life changes suddenly, you see how caring people truly are. Our kids have had to grow up faster than they should have, yet they’ve shown maturity, grace, and patience,” Julian said.
“Clari has demonstrated a level of courage I don’t think the human language can fully describe. As a family, we learned that love isn’t just a feeling, it’s an action,” he added. “It’s showing up at 3 a.m., advocating with doctors, rearranging schedules, praying together, laughing together, and holding each other through the hardest moments.”
Various faith-based groups have offered prayer, and fundraisers have now become routine as the family prepares for Clari’s funeral.
“Everything in our life now has intention; we’ve slowed down, rearranged priorities, removed unnecessary stress, and focused completely on what matters — time together,” Julian said.
“We celebrate ordinary moments now — coffee, sunlight through the window, kids laughing in the living room. We communicate better, listen more, and ask for help when needed,” he said.
Friends and family have adjusted too, as they drop off meals, provide rides for the children, offer prayers, provide financial help, and offer emotional support.
“Or they just simply show up and sit quietly,” Julian said. “Life doesn’t look like it used to, but it’s more meaningful than ever.”
Through social media, especially his and her Facebook pages, the family shared impactful moments, many heartfelt, relating to Clari’s treatment.
One of the most meaningful moments involved “graduation” for Sophia and a “promotion” for Hailey, thanks to the actions of San Benito CISD school administrators and a trustee.
“Illness teaches perspective. We are not guaranteed time. We are not promised routine, stability, or predictability, but we are promised opportunities to love each other well,” Julian said. “If anything comes from our journey, I hope it encourages people to slow down, take the family picture, say ‘I love you,’ forgive sooner, show up for others, and be grateful for today. Clari has taught us that life doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful,” Julian concluded.
The Rios family and their supporters have established several fundraising opportunities to assist the family monetarily, including a GoFundMe page. For more information, see Julian’s Facebook page.